Sunshine in Cloudy Weather

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Things were a bit chaotic there for awhile, but I am happy to report there is a new bit of sunshine in our cloudy weather. 

For one, I passed the first portion of my licensing exams. That alone will pave the way for a better paying position, which means less stress on my husband to recover in the long term view of things. It also means getting back to what I love: working with vets and active duty personnel. Before we began this Navy journey, that was where my passion burned fiercest and where the bulk of my work lay. It is funny and ironic to me now how him joining would push me further away from my goals, but I am getting back there, slowly but surely.

Next, I have been making more friends and getting out again. Since the accident, I haven't really felt that drive. My follow through has been poor, and I have been an irresponsible friend. Sorry, everyone!  Being a caregiver is a burden like no other, and it has been hard finding a balance and a routine, not just for us, but for myself. I think I have found some wonderful new friends that will help me regain that part of myself, and hopefully in the process I can take care of my old pals, too.

Things are still tough, though, some days. Jeff smacked his feet on the bottom of the pool during physical therapy while getting in on Monday. He has been melancholy and having flashbacks since then, but he is stubborn and dedicated, and he is a fighter. Thankfully, he gets a reprieve today because they were booked out a month in advance. He is getting stronger and spending more time in the pool each time we go. He is even swimming again, too. It is a sight that is indescribable, as only it can be to a wife moved by progress, and it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it...like now. Happy tears, happy tears, of course!

We still deal with the looks of pity every day. People don't understand, and they are too afraid to ask, so we bite our cheeks and grit through it. We have come to sympathize with the accessible world and what it means to encounter the unknown and not know how to approach it. It's a PC thing, but it does no one any favors.

He does his exercises for range of motion and pressure building while I do my DDPYOGA. I have even gotten some of those new friends involved, and it's simultaneously riotous and relaxing. His body and mind are healing from the fall. My body is healing from the accident, and I am considering finally getting some counseling to address my own flashbacks from having three accidents in less than a year. We are becoming whole again.

Life is moving on. We are ready to buy a house so we can have an accessible home. We are replacing things that were lost during our emergency move to the first floor and acquiring things and people in our lives that we never thought possible. Even if Jeff does not get back to deployability, we are hopeful that the buck doesn't stop here. We are ready to build a life. We left one behind that was temporary, and before that, one that needed serious work we were not ready for. Maybe we will go back to one or both someday, but right now, we are happy. We are giving it all we can in this moment, and for now, that is good enough.

For once, safe harbor doesn't seem so far away.

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